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Jokes
Aug 14, 2007 20:08:06 GMT -5
Post by moogle on Aug 14, 2007 20:08:06 GMT -5
LOL, yes, I know those ones. I'm pretty terrible for saying lame jokes. They just come naturally to me.
Like in church we were discussing survival kits and stuff, and being prepared for natural disasters. Someone said something about the world was going to be consumed by fire, and me being the sad person that I am, just naturally said, "Well matches can be crossed off the list then."
*sighs* I often wonder if I can get any lamer.
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Jokes
Aug 14, 2007 21:17:09 GMT -5
Post by LizzyMarch on Aug 14, 2007 21:17:09 GMT -5
Okay, i have a joke that my sister told me once.
Two men are sitting in bar that is placed on the 12th floor of the building. Soon, the first man turns to the second and states, "Do you know if you step out that window over there a big gust of wind will come and float you down."
The second man shakes his head in disbelief and says, "You try it first." The first man goes over and jumps out the window. Sure enough, a big gust of wind floats him down and he rides the elevator back up. The second man shakes his head. "Beginners luck, try again." So he does it again, and a big gust of wind comes a second time. He rides the elevator back up. The second man is awaiting excitedly. "THat is amazing, watch me!" He jumps out. Twelve, eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, SPLAT!
The bartender turns to the first man and shakes his head, stating, "Superman, you are a jerk when you are drunk."
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Jokes
Aug 14, 2007 21:23:56 GMT -5
Post by moogle on Aug 14, 2007 21:23:56 GMT -5
LOL. That is so funny, and I haven't heard it before.
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Jokes
Aug 14, 2007 22:24:46 GMT -5
Post by kristelyn ardelle on Aug 14, 2007 22:24:46 GMT -5
I have one that a kid told me. What do you get when you cross of Bulldog with a Shitzu or however you spell it.
Looks like a riddle, but it's more of a joke. It's funny because you never really have to say the punchline. People just say OHHH and start laughing.
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Jokes
Aug 14, 2007 22:25:05 GMT -5
Post by kristelyn ardelle on Aug 14, 2007 22:25:05 GMT -5
And I don't get the Postman joke!
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Jokes
Aug 15, 2007 5:39:42 GMT -5
Post by Scream on Aug 15, 2007 5:39:42 GMT -5
Please refrain from double posting, if you need to add anything to what you have said before, just modify it, there will be a button at the top right of the post saying "modify" click it and fix the post. thanks.
Okay, the kid keeps predicting people's deaths, first his grandad, then his nan. He says his dad will die. The next day the postman dies. His father wasn't his biological dad, the postman was.
Get it?
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Jokes
Aug 15, 2007 17:32:54 GMT -5
Post by kristelyn ardelle on Aug 15, 2007 17:32:54 GMT -5
Oh, now I feel really stupid.
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Jokes
Aug 16, 2007 21:41:33 GMT -5
Post by moogle on Aug 16, 2007 21:41:33 GMT -5
Don't worry about it Kristelyn. It takes some getting used to these forums, and I'm sure you'll remember to do it from now on, so no harm done
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Jokes
Aug 20, 2007 2:00:37 GMT -5
Post by Scream on Aug 20, 2007 2:00:37 GMT -5
:3 it's quite a funny one..
OHHHH i love that superman one by the way. *nods*
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Jokes
Aug 24, 2007 22:22:49 GMT -5
Post by LizzyMarch on Aug 24, 2007 22:22:49 GMT -5
Thank you Scream. Okay, i have a blonde joke, sorry if it offends anyone.
A brunette walks into a bar and sits down next to a blonde who is watching the ten o'clock news. On the screen there is a man who is threatening to take his own life. After a minute, the brunette turns to the blonde and states, "I bet you fifty dollars that he will jump." The blonde quickly agrees. They lay their money down. Sure enough, them man jumps in the next ten minutes. The blonde goes to hand the brunette her money, when the brunette shakes her head. "I am so sorry, but i can't take your money. I watch the five o'clock news. i knew he was going to jump."
The blonde smiles, "Oh, you can take it," she quickly states, "I watch the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't think he would jump twice!
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Jokes
Aug 25, 2007 16:41:46 GMT -5
Post by Lot Lizard on Aug 25, 2007 16:41:46 GMT -5
I like the interrupting starfish one... -Knock Knock! -Who's there? -Interrupting Starfish -Interrupting Starfish wh- -*sticks hand in person's face* Okay, i have a joke that my sister told me once. Two men are sitting in bar that is placed on the 12th floor of the building. Soon, the first man turns to the second and states, "Do you know if you step out that window over there a big gust of wind will come and float you down." The second man shakes his head in disbelief and says, "You try it first." The first man goes over and jumps out the window. Sure enough, a big gust of wind floats him down and he rides the elevator back up. The second man shakes his head. "Beginners luck, try again." So he does it again, and a big gust of wind comes a second time. He rides the elevator back up. The second man is awaiting excitedly. "THat is amazing, watch me!" He jumps out. Twelve, eleven, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, SPLAT! The bartender turns to the first man and shakes his head, stating, "Superman, you are a jerk when you are drunk." Thank you Scream. Okay, i have a blonde joke, sorry if it offends anyone. A brunette walks into a bar and sits down next to a blonde who is watching the ten o'clock news. On the screen there is a man who is threatening to take his own life. After a minute, the brunette turns to the blonde and states, "I bet you fifty dollars that he will jump." The blonde quickly agrees. They lay their money down. Sure enough, them man jumps in the next ten minutes. The blonde goes to hand the brunette her money, when the brunette shakes her head. "I am so sorry, but i can't take your money. I watch the five o'clock news. i knew he was going to jump." The blonde smiles, "Oh, you can take it," she quickly states, "I watch the five o'clock news, too. I just didn't think he would jump twice! LOL LOL LOL
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Jokes
Aug 26, 2007 0:36:50 GMT -5
Post by Scream on Aug 26, 2007 0:36:50 GMT -5
Hahhaha I love that blonde joke. It's brilliant. ^.^ I have a blonde joke, pretty old but I still like it.
A blonde walks into Retro Vision (Electrical Appliance store) and is looking for a tv. She finds one she likes and asks the clerk how much it is. He shakes his head and tells her they don't sell to blondes. She leaves in a huff and that night dyes her hair red. She returns the next day and asks another clerk for the price. Again, she gets the reply they don't sell to blondes. That afternoon she got her hair dyed black. She goes back to the same store and asks a different clerk for the price. He tells her they don't sell electrical appliances to blondes. She is infuriated by this and demands to know how he knows she is blonde. He points to the appliance she was wanting to buy and says, "That's a microwave, not a television."
^.^ always amuses me.
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Jokes
Aug 29, 2007 2:34:19 GMT -5
Post by witchy on Aug 29, 2007 2:34:19 GMT -5
I've heard both those blonde jokes before but I still find them funny.
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Jokes
Aug 30, 2007 21:25:29 GMT -5
Post by LizzyMarch on Aug 30, 2007 21:25:29 GMT -5
okay, since we like blonde jokes right now:
A blonde is dating a football fan. When he finds out she has never seen a game, he quickly buys them tickets, stating he is taking her to her first football game. They go, and she watches the game intently, looking at all the things around her. After the game is finished, her boyfriend asks her how she liked it.
"Well, the uniforms were nice, i liked the tight pants, and they were really good. I need to ask you something though." He asked her what she needed to know. "Why were they doing all that fighting over a quarter."
When the boyfriend asked her what she meant, she hastily stated, "Well, at the beginning of the game they flipped a coin and the referee stated the winner, then throughout the whole game everyone was yelling 'get the quater back! Get the quater back!"
I think that joke is hilarious! Oh, and for all you who aren't american...that wasn't soccor. Just wanted to differentiate
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Jokes
Aug 30, 2007 22:59:24 GMT -5
Post by moogle on Aug 30, 2007 22:59:24 GMT -5
ROFL^^^^
That is the best one I have heard yet!!!
Okay, continuing on the running theme of blonde jokes, but not really, here is mine.
Three woman were walking down a street: one blonde, one brunette, and one red-head. They come across a magical lamp, and find to their surprise a genie. The genie says she will grant them each one wish.
The blonde says she wants to be more intelligent, so she is promptly changed into a brunette.
The brunette says she also wants to be more intelligent, and she is changed into a red-head.
Finally the red-haired woman claims that she is tired of being super intelligent, and claims she wants to be dumb- very dumb.
The genie smiles and says, "Your wish is my command," and the red-haired woman is turned into a man.
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